Pause and Embrace Your World

Rain falls, wind blows, fire burns, earth turns, and love learns. 

~ LeeLoo, The Fifth Element

As mother nature in all its beauty reminds us of her capable fury, I pause and am thankful for the people in my life. Material things are fun and make for a comfortable existence, but it is the rain that encourages life, the wind that gives faith, the fire that warms the soul, the earth that keeps us grounded and the love that teaches us to appreciate all that we have. Embrace your world, one person at a time.

Words

They are the stuff of confusion, confession and chaos. They hurt, cut deep and often destroy. Most are careful with what they say, but often even the most savvy can unintentionally spew a barrage of nastiness that annihilates another human being. But is it possible that when this unfortunate tirade is released, that we are merely speaking from a place of our own hurt, disappointment and regret? Is it possible that we project our shortcomings, failures and cowardice in those moments when instead we should looking within and trying to change ourselves? Perhaps a little self-reflection in the aftermath is warranted. A huge apology couldn’t hurt either.

Soulmates

soul○mate

/sōl/ /māt/ 

 

A dinner I recently attended turned to a conversation about soulmates. Men and women, married and single, each had their own opinion. Is it a thing? What are we looking for? Is it the proverbial holy grail of relationships? Is it supposed to be romantic? Does it only count if it’s reciprocal? What exactly is this thing that we all look for, expect to find, and yet, feel utterly crushed if we don’t have one?

A Soul is spiritual or immaterial. You can’t feel it or see it but much like the wind, you know it is there, consistent and ever present. A Mate is defined as being connected. As humans, and lets face it, needy beings, our success and survival is deeply rooted in connection. So this concept, this idea, this perfect symbiotic relationship between two people is basically a required, consistent, unseen but felt connection to another being. Seems to me for all that we talk about it, we all have it or have had it. Sometimes it's for long periods of time, and other times just for moments. Either way, don’t sweat it. Your soulmate has probably been right in front of you at varying times of your life.

The Love Letter (Never Sent)

I came across an interesting post about a love letter never sent. It is a heart wrenching proclamation of love for someone that the author knew would never reciprocate the feelings. It is a letter of anguish and pain, of hurt and sorrow, of knowing that no matter how much time passes or how often they tell themselves they are better off without the person who cannot love them, the feelings of hopelessness consume their very soul.

When I read it, I thought of my own past loves and how often I was in this same predicament. To love someone you cannot have. To want the one whose heart is unavailable. It is a sad reality for many of us. And yet, I wonder if this devastating heartbreak isn’t exactly what we need to experience to open ourselves up to real love – the kind that doesn’t cause angst and confusion, questions and uncertainty. The kinds that reassures and comforts like a breath of fresh spring air or a breeze on slightly wet skin. Often it is the little voice inside one’s head, or the tug of the heart because of the not-so-distant pain, that reminds us when it’s the right one, at the right moment, everything else will become a faded memory.

Inspired by:

The Love Letter You'll Never Send - Thought Catalog, by Kovie Biakolo (5/30/15)

@The SingleWoman - via Twitter 5/31/15

Happy, Happy Holidays...

"Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no child-like faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished. Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies!"  

Francis P. Church (New York Sun, September21, 1897)

May your holiday be filled with magic, poetry, romance, faith, family and love…

It wasn't logic, it was love.

"It wasn’t logic, it was love."

No one can comprehend the why. No one will understand the reason. No one will be able to explain. It is Love.  Plain and simple. It is a peculiar thing – love. Not easy to define nor easy to describe.  Just love.  A surprising and unexpected source once told me that love is a funny thing. Love is not always a choice. Often your heart overrides your mind. You can try to direct it one way or another, but eventually, the heart will run the show.  Love is a feeling and logic never enters into the equation.  It can be the happiest of times, but also the most miserable.  Only two people in the world can comprehend love – the two people who are in it.  Do not look for the logic in love, you will not find it. Instead follow your heart.  The rest, well, that will soon follow.

The People in Your Life

If there's one thing I have learned and taken to heart is that people come into your life for a reason. Often, we can't see it, understand it or even believe it but that's the way it works. There are those that appear when you need distraction, those that appear when you need to be shaken to your core. There are those that see you through the hard times, and those that are meant to share successes and happiness. But the most important thing we can learn from these people who come in and out of our lives, is to accept and not always question the why. You see, the why will eventually become clear. And often it isn't the why but simply the what - what were they here to help you through and did you listen? Did you take it to heart and become changed by it? For if you didn't and simply let the aha moment slip away, their presence was merely wasted and you completely unaffected.

Love...IS

I came across an interesting read about love and how it just is. Not unlike the movie that states, Love actually is all around, the author points out how love is not about excuses or uncertainty but instead is about what is. When someone loves you, there is no question. You know it. You feel it. They find ways to be with you because they want it. Your presence in their life makes their life better. They are the best version of themselves when you are with them. You feed their mind, their heart and their soul. It is a feeling that transcends all boundaries. Love is not supposed to be filled with angst. It is not a game or a puzzle to be mastered or figured out. When someone loves you, you are still and confident in the knowing that they do, without question, without hesitation, without thought. The important thing to remember then as we allow those who say but do not show that they love us is this: “love simply is. And you have to let it be, or not be, naturally.”

Inspired by Thought Catalog – What People Do When They Don’t Really Love You by Brianna Wiest

Friendship or Love?

Just as there is a fine line between love and hate, I have found that there’s an even finer, perhaps even blurry line between friendship and love. With friendship, one has a sense of belonging and acceptance. You have things in common and enjoy similar activities. With love you have all of those but also that something extra - that something special that makes it more than just friendship. There’s connection and comprehension, unconditional forgiveness and understanding. When you love someone, you take the good and the bad, stand by them through the thick and the thin, comfort the sorrow and rejoice in the joy. In love there is the every day and the details. Even if you prefer solitude, you are never alone for your love is always with you. The problem then is mistaking friendship for love. For although you can love your friends, you can only be truly in love with the one that shares your life moments. That’s where the fine line ends, and the blur becomes crystal clear.

The Power of the Truth

I’ve heard it said so often that the truth will set you free. While I agree to a certain extent to that statement, I have also had an experience where the truth has not only given clarity, but honestly, a certain sense of power. Do not mistake my words – it is not power in the diabolical menacing kind, but more power to face my own fears, confront my own insecurities and be at peace with whatever comes next. 

The reality is that sometimes even when we think we know the truth – be it intuition, a feeling or sixth sense – there is comfort and confidence in actually knowing the truth. Let’s face it, it’s all fine and good to think that someone loves you, but isn’t it amazing when you not only hear the words but also experience the soul bearing confirmation that someone truly loves you?

Mediocrity

One of my favorite bloggers posted “the four horsemen of mediocrity”. He called them deniability, helplessness, contempt and fear. Seth Godin is a brilliant marketing guy so he penned the horsemen from a business perspective which was perfect. But as I printed them to keep for my own continued reference, one thought immediately came to mind – these “horsemen” are not just about business, quite often actually, one finds them when faced with a breakup. You’re in this seemingly relationship, happy and probably thinking “future”. Suddenly, and perhaps out of nowhere, you breakup. You, my friend, are now in that twelve-step program or seven stages thing or in this case facing the four horsemen.

 

Denial. "I did everything I could to make the relationship work." You blame them. They decided it was over. They created the problem between you. They commanded the breakup. It wasn’t my fault. From there one moves to helplessness: they just won’t listen. They won’t let me make them understand how good I am for them. It's a sense of loss and little understanding. Eventually, one moves to contempt - for the other person and even for love itself. They weren’t good enough for me; I wont settle. Is there really someone out there that deserves all I have to give? It’s a mixture really of contempt and self-pity, which let’s face it, leads one directly into fear. Fear of putting oneself back out there; fear of being in love and hurt all over again; fear of being alone.

Now I know what you’re thinking – what does this really have to do with mediocrity? Everything. Truth is, when you face a breakup, whether you believe it or not, it is ultimately for the best. You weren’t meant to be together and there are always telltale signs. Our problem is that we deny them. We know they are there but feel helpless to do anything about them. We have contempt for them and honestly fear them. Just like the horsemen we face once the breakup happens, they are present in the dysfunction that is the mediocre relationship. So you see, it isn’t just that they translate to business; they translate to life and relationships. For who among us hasn’t lay awake at night trying helplessly to deny the contempt we feel for the other person and fear of breaking up. Who among us hasn't tried to figure out the best way to survive in a mediocre relationship? 

Referenced Blog: Seth Godin - "the four horsemen of mediocrity"

Will You Love Me Tomorrow

I was listening to Carole King’s song Will You Love Me Tomorrow when it hit me how much it resonates with so many of the thoughts, conversations and observations of many who are seeking permanent relationships. You meet someone. There’s a connection. You go out – maybe more than once. There’s chemistry. You test drive the car, so to speak, and wonder: is this a momentary thing or is this more? When is it too soon to ask, “will you still love me tomorrow?"

The song itself says it all. Promises are implied; words are spoken. But as human beings, we often give more importance to the unspoken and the promise to come rather than the reality. We mistake the moment for something more leaving us confused, hurt and heartbroken. We want to be loved not only tonight but also tomorrow. Still, we are all guilty of it, living in the moment without thinking of tomorrow. For who among us hasn’t uttered the words you know someone wants to hear just to keep the magic alive for that moment? Who among us hasn’t gotten carried away with the romance of the night? Who among us hasn’t made promises that we have really no intention of keeping? I suppose it’s simply human nature. Unfortunately, eventually, we find ourselves on the other end of it, hoping and wanting the promise and the love not only for the moment, but for tomorrow…and maybe even a lifetime.

Tonight you're mine completely
You give your love so sweetly
Tonight the light of love is in your eyes
But will you love me tomorrow?

Is this a lasting treasure
Or just a moment's pleasure?
Can I believe the magic of your eyes?
Will you still love me tomorrow?

Tonight with words unspoken
You'll say that I'm the only one
But will my heart be broken
When the night meets the morning sun?

I'd like to know that your love
Is love I can be sure of
So tell me now and I won't ask again
Will you still love me tomorrow?

I need to know
Will you still love me tomorrow?

New Year's Eve

As we ring in the new year, I am reminded of two of my favorite quotes from the movie of the same name. Although it may be a bit corny, I believe they are sentiments well spoken, very honest and resonate as we say goodbye to the old year and welcome in the new. Happy New Year everyone. Goodbye to the past, hello to the future and embrace the present.

Sometimes it feels like there are so many things in this world we can't control. Earthquakes, floods, reality shows... But it's important to remember the things that we can. Like forgiveness, second chances, fresh starts... Because the one thing that turns the world from the longing place to a beautiful place... is love. Love and any of its forms. Love gives us hope... Hope for the New Year. That's what New Year's Eve is to me. Hope and a great party! ~ Sam

And as you all can see, the ball has stopped half way to its perch. it's suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the new year, to stop, and reflect on the year that has gone by, to remember both our triumphs and our missteps, our promises made and broken, the times we opened ourselves up to great adventures... or closed ourselves down for fear of getting hurt, because that's what new year's all about , getting another chance, a chance to forgive. to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more, and to stop worrying about what if... and start embracing what will be. so when that ball drops at midnight, and it will drop, let's remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other, and not just tonight but all year long. ~ Claire

New Years Eve, 2011

Explore the Rapids

I always hear about how relationships throughout their course have a tendency to ebb and flow. There seems to be a natural flow that they follow and it is up to us, those of us in the relationship to either go with that flow, or perhaps rock the boat a bit. Recently, I was told that the ideal relationship should be about smooth waters, avoiding the rapids at all costs. The perfect relationship is little to no work and just sort-of happens. I disagree. For where is the challenge, excitement and fun in “no work” and “smooth sailing”? How do you truly know the intimate places of another person’s soul if you are never exploring the rapids?

 

The truth is that most people do avoid the work and the mess. It is far easier to go through life in the ordinary – the vanilla, if you will, and stay within your comfort zone. I on the other hand want more. I want the inconvenient, the ridiculous, the sometimes uncomfortable, all-consuming and can’t-live- without-you type of relationship. What I want, I suppose, is Real Love. The kind that means someone is by my side as I face the rapids and always there to help do the work.  

As often is the case, thank you Carrie for help in developing what the Gator inspired.

Accept the Love - You Deserve It

I read once that we accept the love we think we deserve. I suppose that is the answer to so many of life’s open questions. As I think of the relationships I have been in, I see rather clearly exactly what the author is talking about. It is often our past that defines our present, and our present inevitably foreshadowing our future. It is a seemingly hopeless chain of repetitiveness. 

The power in truth lies within us to break the chain, challenging us to forgive ourselves for the past, live in the present and have great expectations for the future. Do you think you have the love you truly deserve? Perhaps the love that is truly deserving of you is simply out there waiting…waiting for you to accept it.

Inspired by: The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Stephen Chbosky (2013)

The Hubbell Factor

Your girl is lovely Hubbell. Why don’t you bring her for a drink when you come.

I can’t come, Katie. I can’t…

I know…  ~ The Way We Were (1973)

How many of us remember fondly the great love that we just couldn’t be with?  Whether it was a boyfriend, a lover or a husband, most of us have that one person who no matter hard we tried, no matter how hard we wanted it, no matter how much it seemed to make sense – it just wasn’t meant to be. What is it that makes those seemingly fated relationships doomed to catastrophically fail?  How does a love that feels so right, turn out so incredibly impossible? It is quite simply, the Hubbell factor. 

The Hubbell factor stems from the reality that love does not always conquer all because sometimes, quite simply, life gets in the way.  Sometimes you do find your soul mate but no matter how hard your try or how much you want it, it just doesn’t work. Sometimes it just becomes too difficult to love unconditionally. That’s when the Hubbell factor kicks in and you look to someone easier to love. Instead of challenge, you look for simplicity. Instead of complexity, you look for uncomplicated. Instead of unpredictable, you look for expected. The problem? Instead of interesting, you end up with comfortable. Instead of excitement, you end up with boredom. Instead of striving for greatness, you end up with nothing special.

quote courtesy of allsubs.org

All in

In poker, the definitive bet is going “all in”. In a game of chess, the winning move is “check mate”. In a relationship, the ultimate scenario is surrendering to love. But unlike poker, unlike chess, love is infinitely more complicated and actually begins with the seemingly final outcome. The thing with love is that the real work begins after it is actually declared. When you love someone and decide to share your life with them – in marriage, in living together or simply in love – you have to be present every day. It’s being in the now and being involved in the everyday. It is the giving of oneself and being open to receiving what the other person has to give.

It’s easy to say “I love you” but to really love someone – well, that’s just it.  It’s not saying the words or believing you can’t live without the other person. No, it is the complete surrender of oneself and the willingness to accept and live in complete surrender.

Gotten

When I first met Katie, I don’t know, she just “got” me…there is no greater feeling in the whole world than to feel “gotten” – The Story of Us (1999)

When was the last time you can honestly say that you felt “gotten”? Think about it. We come in contact with so many people in life that it’s inevitable that someone, somewhere will “get” you – right? Not necessarily. 
The truth is, there are people out there who spend their whole lives looking for that someone, that one person who really just gets them. It’s the someone who completely understands and accepts the quirks, the flaws, the crazy. They love the amazing person that you are, but also get the insecurities that you have. They cherish the good and still forgive the bad. They are your conscience and your cohort, your cheerleader and your critic, the one giving you warnings but also egging you on. You are your best with them at your side and even when you are your worst, they stand beside you still. 
Oh to be “gotten”. It’s a truly phenomenal thing. Too good to be true? No. Just not the easiest thing to find. But when you do, reach for it, hang on to it and keep it forever. There is absolutely no greater feeling.

Prince Charming

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I mean, we all have our Prince Charming. You just gotta know him when you see him.
Mom, it's Prince Charming! You should just know.
Well, your Prince Charming isn't coming to rescue you in a horse and carriage. That's not who you want. I mean, you're looking...you're looking for a man to be your partner; who you could take on the world with. You gotta BIG your fairy tale baby.  

                                                                                                    Friends with Benefits (2011)

I once had a conversation with a male friend regarding the probability of finding “prince charming”. This conversation was prompted by someone we both knew who had shared that a friend and mentor had quite unexpectedly become more. This woman was convinced that because of the latest developments, she and this man were destined to live happily ever after. She gleefully proclaimed to have found her prince charming. My male friend insisted that this was ridiculous and never happens – prince charming simply does not exist. I wasn’t so sure. Was it possible that this woman hit the fairy tale jackpot?  Did she truly find her prince charming? Or was she, like so many, really living in a fantasyland of her own creation?

The truth is, we as women, spend our lives looking for prince charming. We are brought up to believe in him, learn to hope for him and eventually come to expect him. Prince charming has become this elusive, ideal male figure that in reality no man can ever measure up to. Newsflash ladies: no one is coming to rescue us unless we first rescue ourselves. But what we do need to realize is that all men have some prince charming in them. Not all of them come on a white stallion but many come with a really great and reliable ride. Often the one that looks great on the storybook page is less than a true prince charming. Sometimes it is the one with a little chink in the armor that might truly be the prince charming you’ve been looking for all your life. 

Love...complicated

I don’t know why people think sex complicates everything. That’s the easy part.

Love is what makes everything complicated.

You wait with bated breath for someone to say it.

You aren’t sure you believe it when they finally do. 

And sometimes after it is finally spoken, you just have no idea what to do with it.