Soulmates

soul○mate

/sōl/ /māt/ 

 

A dinner I recently attended turned to a conversation about soulmates. Men and women, married and single, each had their own opinion. Is it a thing? What are we looking for? Is it the proverbial holy grail of relationships? Is it supposed to be romantic? Does it only count if it’s reciprocal? What exactly is this thing that we all look for, expect to find, and yet, feel utterly crushed if we don’t have one?

A Soul is spiritual or immaterial. You can’t feel it or see it but much like the wind, you know it is there, consistent and ever present. A Mate is defined as being connected. As humans, and lets face it, needy beings, our success and survival is deeply rooted in connection. So this concept, this idea, this perfect symbiotic relationship between two people is basically a required, consistent, unseen but felt connection to another being. Seems to me for all that we talk about it, we all have it or have had it. Sometimes it's for long periods of time, and other times just for moments. Either way, don’t sweat it. Your soulmate has probably been right in front of you at varying times of your life.

New Year's Eve

As we ring in the new year, I am reminded of two of my favorite quotes from the movie of the same name. Although it may be a bit corny, I believe they are sentiments well spoken, very honest and resonate as we say goodbye to the old year and welcome in the new. Happy New Year everyone. Goodbye to the past, hello to the future and embrace the present.

Sometimes it feels like there are so many things in this world we can't control. Earthquakes, floods, reality shows... But it's important to remember the things that we can. Like forgiveness, second chances, fresh starts... Because the one thing that turns the world from the longing place to a beautiful place... is love. Love and any of its forms. Love gives us hope... Hope for the New Year. That's what New Year's Eve is to me. Hope and a great party! ~ Sam

And as you all can see, the ball has stopped half way to its perch. it's suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the new year, to stop, and reflect on the year that has gone by, to remember both our triumphs and our missteps, our promises made and broken, the times we opened ourselves up to great adventures... or closed ourselves down for fear of getting hurt, because that's what new year's all about , getting another chance, a chance to forgive. to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more, and to stop worrying about what if... and start embracing what will be. so when that ball drops at midnight, and it will drop, let's remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other, and not just tonight but all year long. ~ Claire

New Years Eve, 2011

a reason, a season, a lifetime

It is said that people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Those that come for an explicit purpose leave their mark, often in the most subtle of ways, and move on to the next life they are meant to affect. Those that come for a specific time frame, change our course, reroute our thoughts and quite possibly put us back on track to the path we were meant to follow. Then there are those linger and eventually stay to become a permanent and integral part of our story. These are people we must cherish - those that never judge, never doubt, and never stop believing. They lift you up when you are down, share your load when you can’t and offer a hand when you are in need.

Life is a series of constantly moving parts and pieces. The people we encounter along the way are part of the puzzle that make the picture complete. What’s important to recognize is that not everyone we meet has the same relevance in our lives.  Some will float in for a reason and leave us in a newly enlightened place. We must let these individuals come and go. Some will appear for a season and be remembered for the gifts they bring. We must appreciate these individuals but be prepared to say adieu. But for those that “stick”,  pay close attention to what they offer. These are the priceless gems to hang on to - for it is these individuals that make a life complete.

Going Backwards

I was once advised never to go backwards. The advice was given regarding relationships and the observation that once a relationship is over, revisiting said relationship or "going backwards" was not the smartest move. The school of thought is similar to the notion that an ended relationship is called a breakup because it is indeed that - broken. Why is it then that we insist on going backwards? What is the catalyst that often compels us to revisit, rehash and re-break a relationship instead of just leaving what is already broken in the past?

People come into our lives for a variety of reasons. At the same time, they leave our lives for an even greater multitude of reasons. Our task is to realize and accept what each person, each encounter, each adventure brings to us. There's a lesson to be learned, an idea to be explored, an adventure to be had; but the key is to recognize that once it is completed, once the relationship is played out to its inevitable conclusion, we must let go and put it away as a memory only to be revisited as a reminder of the experience. Trying to go backwards and recapture or rewrite the relationship is like opening Pandora's Box - inevitable chaos, confusion and turmoil ensures. It is therefore important to remember that a breakup must remain as such because the relationship is in fact just that: completely and utterly broken.


referenced: It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken, Greg Behrendt
 

   

Friendship

Friendship is one of those relationships that although we all experience it, everyone has their own definition and understanding of it.  Interestingly enough, the dictionary defines the word by using the term “friend”, which in and of itself brings to mind again, many different feelings and descriptions.  The term is used to characterize a common bond that people share, one of concern and compassion for another human being. People are drawn into friendships by a sense of kinship, camaraderie and sameness but build lasting bonds based more on life experiences, interactions and, to a degree, attractiveness. 

My mother often said,  “Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are.” I believe this is truly the heart of the term – we surround ourselves with like people or people with those qualities that we hope will rub off, those that we ourselves would like to emulate.  Our friends help support us, yes, but they also help define us.  They shape the very person we are by allowing us to exercise compassion, empathy and understanding but also by allowing us to truly be ourselves.  A true friend will take all of you – good and bad – and forgive the shortcomings that will inevitably surface throughout the relationship.  Friendships are one part of the glue that holds lives together and helps us keep the faith that all will work out in the end.  The important thing then is to remember that a good friendship will always lift you up, while a bad one will often hold you back.  Recognizing the difference – well sometimes, that’s the hardest part.

dedicated to all of my true friends out there - you know who you are and I thank you for being in my life...

Expectation

The problem with expectation is that you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Whether you know or think you know the other person, it is inevitable that you can never truly know what a situation will bring. You might know someone well enough to expect certain behavior, but unfortunately, there is always unpredictability in what the other person will actually do.  You can never truly know what is in the mind of another being.  And of course, there is always the behavior that you know the person is capable of, but simply, inexplicably, they do not do. 

Often times there are unforeseen factors that affect the outcome of a given expected action or reaction. Regrettably, no amount of preparation or expectation can account for them and fear is often the biggest obstacle – fear of rejection, fear of expectation, fear of truth.  There are no rules or laws when it comes to expectation.  It is human nature to have it.  But it is also part of living to be disappointed by our expectations.  For it is simply unavoidable to continue to have hope.

Friends...With Benefits?

Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.

Sally: Why not?

Harry: What I’m saying is…that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

Can men and women really just be friends?  Or are we doomed to end up as FWB’s – friends with benefits because at some point, one (usually the man) or both will inevitably want to have sex with the other?  And if we are so quick to go ahead and jump in the sack with our “friends”, why is it that we quite predictably end up losing our friends?

The truth I think stems from the reality that most of us are out there looking for more than just a friend.  Those of us that wade through the sea of opposite sex friends, trying to connect with “the ONE” are in search of that friend – the one who not only gives us benefits, but also emotional connection, support and unwavering love.  While a Friend With Benefits might be great to scratch that inescapable itch, that’s no way to build a lasting relationship, no matter how amazing or safe or comforting the physical is.  Let's face it, sometimes you have to hunker down for a long, itchy, cold winter and hope that a genuine friendship will blossom with the spring flowers into something more permanent, something lasting and something more fulfilling than being just friends. 

dialogue courtesy of IMDb When Harry Met Sally (1989)

Happy Holidays!

Thanks to all of my loyal readers!  I may not be a Julie Powell (I don't think I will ever Master the Art of French Cooking!) but I gave it a go and hope you had as much fun reading it as I did writing it!
Next year is another chance to find more crazy stuff to write about!  Please send me your comments and any suggestions for topics!

Wishing all of you in the blogosphere the Happiest of Holidays!
Peace...

(Look for new posts in 2010....)

The Lost Art of Handwriting and Letters

I was catching up on my TIME magazines the other day (I am perpetually an issue behind) and came across an interesting article about the lost art of handwriting - Mourning the Death of Handwriting, (Aug. 3, 2009). Who can forget those little letter guide workbooks in grade school? Zaner-Bloser has of course tried to update old-school handwriting by modifying some of it's letters and techniques but let's face it, handwriting has gone the way of the dodo. Who's to blame? Well of course it's the techno age we live in but I think that handwriting lost its appeal a long time ago. Our society has no use for the time honored tradition of written correspondence. Think about it. When is that last time you received a hand written letter from a friend?

I actually opened my mail box the other day and found myself pleasantly surprised - a letter! I tore through the envelope with great anticipation. Eight pages. Eight wonderful, word filled pages of updates about a very good friend and her family. I was thoroughly absorbed. I couldn't wait to get through every sentence, every detail. I was lost in her word for a while. It was the closest thing to being near her I've had in many years. It was wonderful.

Letters read like a short story quenching our desire to keep in touch with others. It is our basic human nature to stay in the know and be a part of someone else's life. I know, we have email for that and it provides a much more instant gratification. But there is something about opening that mail box or going through our mail and finding the occasional letter or card from friend or loved one. It's the recognizable handwriting (probably the printing more like it!) but still, the smile that comes to our face as we realize, someone wants to share with us or has remembered us. It is priceless.

My kids did learn cursive writing in 2nd Grade. It was a required part of their curriculum. I remember those painstaking days of getting the letters just right. And I still make them send letters or notes of thanks to their grandparents and other family members. Of course, neither one of them uses handwriting at all. They print everything or entrust their written words to their trusty MAC. But I am old-school and miss long letters and beautiful handwriting. It's as if we lost some of our civility by gaining the instantaneous of email - so cold and impersonal. Do yourself and a friend or loved one a favor - compose a little something, write a little note, send a little card. Who knows? You just might start something.

image courtesy of http://joyerickson.wordpress.com

Meet Me At Starbucks®

What in the world did we do before Starbuck's®? Think about it. Not only is it a place to get your caffeine fix but it has become for my generation what Arnold's was for the Happy Days gang. Just think, how often have you said, "he let's get together for coffee" or organized a group to meet for frappuccino's®? My guess is more often than you'd care to admit! Personally, I am a huge Starbucks® aficionado. I absolutely and shamelessly admit that I have no problem spending $5 for a specialty drink and so it often. It's a no-brainer. When I visit the Washington DC Metro area, I am frequently found at the nearby Starbucks® sipping on a grande soy latte or a venti® sweetened passion iced tea, catching up with friends and being seen. And I am not alone. The place is always buzzing! The line often nearly hits the door with people putting in their orders. They really should have revolving doors. It's a steady flow! And there never seems to be enough seating. The comfy chairs are always the first to go. But equally crowded are the tables of varying sizes occupied by the laptops or the study group or the business people who have no other place to meet. It's a smorgasbord of all types of people from all walks of life. Because Starbucks®, it turns out, is the place to see and be seen. It's a social thing not just a grab a beverage thing. Coffee anyone?

all references to Starbucks and Starbucks products are courtesy of www.starbucks.com © 2009 Starbucks Corporation. All rights reserved.